Whether it happens on the first date, after marriage, or any time in between, the first time you have sex with the woman you’ve been dating is a momentous occasion. It’s a moment that should be approached with an overwhelming display of curiosity, care, and concern for how both of you feel before, during, and after sex.
Your first time together can be erotic and lusty, but it can also be awkward and uncomfortable. How you treat each other after your first encounter is especially important, as it will set the tone for your relationship and sexual experiences moving forward.
Unfortunately, some men become so focused on their dribble that they forget all about the follow-through on the shot — that all-too-important flick of the wrist that assures they’ll earn points on the board. Many men fail to realize that, for women, sex often isn’t the sole objective. It isn’t the end-all-be-all of the relationship, whether casual or committed.
Women want deeper connections, even with their side pieces and fuckboys. Sure, we have the same sexual urges as men, but without emotional and mental stimulation, bomb dick can quickly turn into trash. A woman can love having sex with you on Monday, but be disgusted by your penis come Thursday, all because you didn’t support her emotional needs. If you want to stay on a woman’s good side, incorporate these supportive follow-through methods after your first time together — and every time after that.
1. Give a full-service cleanup
Directly after sex, cater to her. More specifically, don’t make her get up for the rag. You know which one I’m talking about: the washcloth you rinse in warm water and maybe a little soap to help clean your naughty bits and hers. Get your ass up and get it yourself. And use a clean washcloth, for goodness sake.
Make sure the water isn’t tepid or scalding hot. It should be warm enough to soothe but not hot enough to burn her delicate skin. Consider this a mini spa treatment for her privates. Be gentle. Lay the washcloth on the area and gently press it into her skin, allowing her time to enjoy the light steam. Then, gently wipe and clean her body before heading back to the bathroom to take care of yourself. Or, rinse and reheat the washcloth and hand it to her so she can clean you up next. Regardless, it’s ladies first, gentlemen.
2. Spend some time
Hopefully, you’re smart enough to spend the night with her and not “hit it and quit it” after the first time. Barring random hookups where neither of you expects to see each other again, it’s always best to stay with your new lover overnight to strengthen your sexual and emotional bond. Women love when a man’s not in a rush. Like you, she has other obligations and relationships in her life. She could’ve chosen to be anywhere with anyone else, but she chose to spend this time with you. And you chose her, too! So don’t be the guy who jumps out of bed and gets dressed in record-breaking time before making a mad dash for the door. Don’t be the guy who can’t just sit in the moment and enjoy being in the company of a woman you thought worthy enough to share your body, space, and time. Stay. Open a bottle of wine. Order a pizza. Watch a funny movie. It’s one night, not the rest of your life. (Well… not yet anyway.)
3. Don’t be a stranger
For the love of god, reach out the next day to tell her what an awesome time you had. Compliment her. Drop an inside joke. Ask when you can see her again. You know, be a gentleman. Text her in the mornings; who doesn’t love a good morning text? Ask her what she wants for lunch and then either meet her for a lunch date or, with permission, have her cravings delivered to her home or office. Ask her what sort of dessert she likes and surprise her with it. The same goes for flowers. (I, for one, will never turn away red roses and white star lilies and/or chocolate cheesecake.)
4. Trade stories about your social circles
Ask about her friends and get involved in the drama a little bit. There’s nothing cuter than a bit of gossip between a woman and her lover as they lay in bed polishing off a carton of rocky road and the first five Rocky movies. When she tells you her girlfriend finally broke up with the loser she’s been dating, touch and agree with a resounding, “Good for her!” And don’t forget to let your new sexual partner into your other personal relationships, too. Sharing stories and anecdotes about your friendships is a great precursor to meeting each other’s friends and blending your lives and relationships one day.
5. Don’t be weird
Once you and your partner have taken your intimacy to a new level, make yourself emotionally and physically available to her. In other words, don’t be Danny Zuko from Grease. Don’t listen to your stupid-ass friends who tell you that women prefer a man who is aloof and unavailable. Don’t believe for one second that women like being treated like garbage. Too many of us have been caught in a cycle of douchebaggery ever since our fathers divorced our mothers, started new families, and forgot all about us. But that doesn’t mean we enjoy distant lovers. A good man can seem as real as the dude on the Lucky Charms box. Don’t be someone who offers a woman more of the bullshit she’s already tasted. Be a goddamn unicorn.
However, while you’re being all magical and shit, pay attention to whether she’s making herself equally available. She doesn’t have to mimic your gestures exactly, but both your interests and efforts should align. Like men, there are millions of women who aren’t prepared for the perfect partners they claim to be seeking. Sometimes, people can be so accustomed to drama and chaos that peace and compromise feel threatening and strange. If you’ve got that magically delicious leprechaun energy, be careful not to squander it on a woman who isn’t ready for a well-balanced relationship.
This post originally appeared on Medium and is edited and republished with author's permission. Read more of Elisabeth Ovesen's work on Medium.