5. An “edit” button
Like waiting for Jesus to come back, or the Jewish homies leaving a glass out for Elijah, the ability to edit posted tweets has been the Twitterati’s messianic dream for years. Imagine actually fixing typos instead of the copy-paste goofiness we’ve got going now. Would it enable plea-copping and gaslighting on a grand scale? Maybe, but just slap them with an “edited” tag — because these sausage fingers aren’t about to get any less clumsy.
4. Close friends
If you’ve been on Twitter for any length of time you know one thing is for certain: It’s full of horny little birdies. But most are also neurotic (and employed) enough to keep that shit under wraps in public. Instead of forcing people into alt accounts, just give us a “Close Friends” tab so we can keep it freak and still discreet.
3. Bookmarks
The “Likes” tab has absolutely no means of letting us distinguish between news stories, thirst traps, or funny gifs. With the new “did you read this?” suggestion pop-up in the app, Twitter acts like they want us to be literate — but still refuses to allow us to safely put articles away for safekeeping. Instead, we’re relegated to “saving this for later” quote tweets. Just more unnecessary content!
2. Forcing you to own your headassery
People are the worst. We know this. But what if, when you pressed “tweet,” a little message popped up saying, “We’ve noticed you’re using racist/misogynistic/asinine language — are you sure you want to do this?” Call it the Terry Crews Quality Control Filter™. Because let’s be honest: No one out here wants (or needs) to be like Terry.
1. Actually backing up their so-called standards
Given the amount of harassment Black women and gender nonconforming folks already get on Twitter, the fact that replies to Fleets go straight to your DMs feels like a wildly egregious oversight. It’s felt like a decade since calls for actual rights protection on the app; instead, the company has somehow created more ways for angry-ass incels to muck up your feed. Make it make sense!
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