5. Samosas
Health nuts love to chow down on Indian cuisine, presumably due to the wealth of vegetable options available. But these are basically glorified french fries with an added dose of refined flour to spike that insulin. (Free tip: Make sure you get some dal somewhere in the meal to temper that part.)
4. Fake-meat burgers
Hint: Anything with “burger” in its title is a dub. Sure, these qualify as vegan, but don’t sleep on the copious amounts of coconut oil and sodium in Beyond and Impossible burgers — or the fact that anything highly processed presents its own nutritional drawbacks.
3. McDonald’s Caesar salad
Iceberg lettuce has the nutritional value of a sheet of looseleaf. Not to mention the bacon bits topping, some bullshit high-fructose-corn-syrup-powered dressing, and, oh yeah, more calories than a Big Mac. We’re not lovin’ it.
2. Subway sandwiches
Sandwiches always seem like they’re much healthier than their greasy counterparts. Yet spots like Subway remind us that you can definitely pack the absolute worst ingredients on a footlong. Yeah, Jared lost a bunch of weight from them — but he’s a sexual predator too. This your dietary role model?
1. Granola
Forget what influencers say: This go-to yogurt topping can be fatty and sugary as hell without a tasty payoff. Plus, you’ll get crumbs all over the damn place. It’s a gra-no-no for us.
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