6. Whether she’s 5’2” or “fine too”
This mystery has been plaguing the Black community for more than a decade. What the hell was Lloyd actually singing on the chorus of “You”? We need answers. If Trump starts offering up this kind of classified information, we might have to ask Jack Dorsey to let his Twitter account rock.
5. All of the unaired secrets of B613 from ‘Scandal’
Don’t be surprised if Trump offers up the real about Olivia Pope and her fictional secret missions — all to distract from his real-life administrative scandals that are somehow far more shameful and ridiculous.
4. Dr. Dre’s full ‘Detox’ album
Trump is 100% gonna post a link on Datpiff to Dr. Dre’s mysterious, eternally awaited album. Maybe he’ll even roll out his own version of G.O.O.D. Fridays to get his clout up — he’s gonna need it after losing his protected status (and @POTUS handle) on Twitter.
3. The infamous “pee tape”
You wouldn’t think he’d share this kind of self-incriminating footage. But then again, this is the same person who recently pardoned former U.S. National Security Advisor Michael Flynn, who as a result can be compelled to testify against the soon-to-be-former president. Dumber things have happened.
https://twitter.com/account/suspended
2. The truth about extraterrestrial life-forms
Trump isn’t just going to tell us that aliens exist like a retired Israeli official recently did. Nah. He’s going to try to prove it by posting Twitter videos of government officials kicking it inside of a tricked-out UFO. Buddy probably hit up E.T. on FaceTime just to stunt for Putin or something.
1. Everything you’re wondering about Marvel’s Phase 4
Presidential perks are crazy. The Obamas watched first-run movies in the White House screening room — and at the rate Disney is churning them out, you bet your ass Trump has seen all of the Marvel flicks slated to drop in the next five years. Dude likely knows when Galactus is joining the MCU and all that. Just drop the cam version real quick, 45. It’s the least you can do.
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