6. On entertainment
“I have endured silence for far too long. I’ve searched long and wide across the globe, through the annals of every nation with a film and television industry, but it’s impossible to find a sitcom that rivals season five of Martin. The comedic genius of that particular season is far superior to anything in the show’s canon — or, indeed, in television comedy as a whole.” (p. 395)
5. On food
“As much as it pains me to admit, Chicago pizza is just fucking lasagna. To say otherwise is cap. Big cap.” (p. 22)
4. On war
“I always felt that in war you have to consider the side less often told, which is why I have felt a deep pull in my soul to compel the masses to understand that ‘Wanksta’ wasn’t really the hit America deemed it. Furthermore, as far as catalogs are concerned, Ja Rule’s is vastly more accomplished. It’s Murderrrrrrr!” (p. 437)
3. On secrets
“RELEASE THE SNYDER CUT!” (p. 1)
2. On relationships
“Michelle once told me that a $200 date is standard. I thought that it was fine for us to go on a pre-date, honestly. A cup of coffee to see if we vibe — then we can have a proper date. That’s standard.” (p. 100)
1. On social gatherings
“We should hold decorum at all times — brunch is no place for twerking. Additionally, short-sleeve turtlenecks are the future of casual wear.” (p. xxii)
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