I am not especially a conspiracy theorist; I have my wife, son, and sister-in-law for that, should I need to converse with one. Within minutes of the Trump assassination attempt, several theories began appearing, some pretty far-fetched. They will evolve over the next few days based on some things being ruled out and others being conjured up. Here are the top theories for your consideration.
Trump Arranged the Shooting to Win the Election
Donald (Bone Spurs) Trump has gone to great lengths to be nowhere near flying bullets. He arranged a medical excuse to get out of serving during the Vietnam War. He has people to do his fighting for him. The idea of Trump allowing his head to be shot at by anyone is ludicrous. Now, if it turns out he wasn’t shot and that he cut himself while on the ground, I’ll revive this theory.
Trump Requested Extra Protection From the FBI, Which was Denied
This theory was put forward in the form of a question during a press conference with the FBI after the shooting. The reporter looked to establish a denial of resources by the government, which presumably would tie into the following theory that Biden was somehow responsible.
The Biden Crime Family Ordered a Hit
This supposes that Biden was so distraught over his debate performance that he believed the only way he could win was to have Trump killed. To avoid suspicion, Biden searched the ranks of registered Republicans to do the job. Assuming there won’t be 72 virgins awaiting the attempted killer in heaven, what reward could Biden offer to offset certain death awaiting the sniper?
The Secret Service Cleared the Rooftop For the Shooter to Use
This theory will have legs until the Secret Service can offer some viable explanation as to why that building wasn’t cleared and why their own snipers weren’t in place on the rooftop. Given the higher ground their counter-snipers occupied, with a clear line of sight to the shooter’s location. How did they not see him until he got off several shots?
Melania Put Out a Hit On Her Lying, Cheating Husband
The question wouldn’t be why she did it. She may have reached the maximum number of times she can renegotiate her prenuptial agreement, and the idea of four more years in the White House can’t appeal to her. Baron is 18 now, so this would be one way to make a clean break and keep most of the money—if there’s anything left after all the civil judgments have been paid off.
The Shooter Was a “Prominent Antifa Activist”
Thousands of posts on X and Meta claimed the shooter was Mark Violets, a “prominent Antifa activist.” His name was associated with a video of an Italian soccer fan, Marco Violi, who posted, “The battle is only beginning, the rest is yet to come,” regarding contract negotiations between a Georgian soccer player and several European teams. Neither Violets nor Violi was in Pennsylvania. Violi was in Rome when he allegedly shot Trump. When the shooter was correctly identified as Thomas Matthew Crooks, he was still called a prominent Antifa activist despite being a registered Republican. Fox News reported a $15 donation to a Chicago-based progressive organization.
Trump Wasn’t Hit By a Bullet But Instead, Cut By Shards of Glass
This one may stick around as well. In a normal universe, a doctor’s statement would be sufficient to say one way or another, but can you really believe Trump or his doctor? Ronny Jackson, anyone? This theory ties in with the theory he was cut on the ear while on the ground. Expect some variations of this theory to last for years.
The Bullet Richocheted Off Bullet-Proof Hair Before Striking Trump’s Ear
Ok, I made that one up. It shows how easy it is to start an Internet rumor but think about it. What angle would the bullet have to take to hit only the upper-right ear lobe and not hit his head? It would be far more likely the bullet bounced off the skull and back through the ear, assuming the existence of bullet-proof hair, of course. This will lead to a “magic bullet theory” like the one following the Kennedy Assassination. I’ll need to see a chart.
The Crowd Was In On the Fake Shooting
I’ve attended many trainings for active shooter situations. The directions were always some version of “Run, Hide, and Fight!” Never has anyone been instructed to stand perfectly still and wait to see if you get shot. After watching a video of the shooting multiple times, I saw the Secret Service take action to cover Trump up and then lead him away. Nobody in the crowd directly behind Trump moved until Trump stood and raised his fist. This prompted the crowd to pump their fists as if waiting for a clue. In my mind, this is never going away. Who is too stupid to move when shots are being fired in your direction?
“God came down from heaven and stopped the bullets.”
The conspiracy theories are flying fast and furious. Wait until the Russian bots get ahold of them, advancing whatever theory meets their needs. I haven’t heard President Obama’s name linked to the shooting yet. Give it a little more time.
This post originally appeared on Medium and is edited and republished with author's permission. Read more of William Spivey's work on Medium. And if you dig his words, buy the man a coffee.