7. Ms. Clogging the Aisle
Four kids are running around hitting each other with cereal boxes while she watches TikToks, the cart parked in the middle of the already-narrow aisle.
6. The Sample Nazi
Like the infamous chef from Seinfeld, this staffer takes their job very seriously, ensuring you only get one tiny sample of cheese or a thimble's worth of whatever cheap wine is on sale. NO SECOND SAMPLE FOR YOU!
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5. Adele
Adele, the singer, is fine. But Adele piped into the music system at the grocery store is trying really hard to make you lose it and start weeping in the shampoo aisle.
4. Mr. Cart Abandoner
The collection area for shopping carts in the parking lot is right there, but this jackhole can't be bothered to roll his cart four extra feet, preferring instead to leave it next to where his car was parked, blocking the space from other drivers and creating extra work for the underpaid staff member tasked with herding them all back inside. Karma will come for you.
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3. Sisyphus, But Carrying Pringles
This dude is in such a hurry that he can't be bothered to roll a shopping cart or even to grab one of those plastic baskets. Instead, he carries an increasingly precarious number of items in his arms, including deli meats, Doritos, a package of toilet paper, a gallon jug of whole milk (ew), and by some miracle, a carton of 18 eggs. Get ready for a cleanup on aisle 4.
2. Ms. Pays With Checks in 2023
Time is of no concern to the lady paying for $9 worth of groceries with checks adorned with an American flag background. She also has 27 coupons for her five items.
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1. Mr. 17 Damn Items in the 15-Item Express Line
You can count. We can count. The cashier can count. And no, we're not counting a six pack as six items—this jerk legit has 17 separate items and doesn't care about the rules. He will pretend he lost count and not even acknowledge that he is breaking the social code. If there's a hell for grocery shoppers, he will be aflame the longest.