Being a bad lover can ruin a wonderful relationship, even if everything else is perfect.
Why, you ask?
Because satisfying sex is a priority for the vast majority of people. According to a research survey, two thirds of sexually active Americans found bad sex to be an absolute turn-off with a partner.
Oh, dear reader, let me regale you with tales of my epic rendezvous, for they are truly the stuff of legend.
Back in University I spent quite a bit of time at the gym, that's where I met Michael. We became gym buddies and soon started dating. He was everything a girl could wish for — tall, dark, well kept, and undeniably handsome. He had a charismatic charm that drew people to him effortlessly. He opened doors for me, pulled out my chair at dinner and treated me like a queen. We looked like the picture-perfect couple envied by others.
But behind closed doors, there was a void in our relationship that couldn’t be ignored… I was the sexually starved girlfriend, constantly longing for intimacy and passion that seemed to elude me.
Related: Yes, Your Partner Has a Problem With Your Stamina in Bed
It wasn’t that Michael was insensitive or unaware of my needs (eye roll). It was just that his priorities seemed to lie elsewhere. He had a demanding job which consumed his time and energy, leaving very little room for my sexual needs. Don't get me wrong, we had sex, just that after he ejaculated he would roll over and fall into a deep sleep, leaving me yearning for sexual release.
I tried to communicate my desires to him, thinking that a simple, honest conversation could bridge the gap between us. But my attempts seemed to fall on deaf ears as he brushed off my concerns and assured me that we will have longer foreplay next time around.
Days turned into weeks, and weeks into months. The dissatisfaction grew, feeding my frustrations and eroding the love I once felt. I couldn't help but wonder if he was as invested in the relationship as I was. The more I tried to understand his perspective, the more I questioned if we were simply drifting apart.
Finally, one evening, I mustered the courage to have an honest conversation with Michael. I poured my heart out, explaining my needs in a straightforward manner. Tears welled up in my eyes as I expressed my longing for a deeper connection, hoping that he would finally hear my plea.
To my disappointment, Michael's response was not what I had hoped for. He looked at me with a mixture of surprise and confusion, as if he had never realized the extent of my sexual need. It was then that I realized that our desires and priorities were far too different to reconcile.
We had reached an impasse - a damning realization that no amount of love or communication could bridge this gap. It was a painful decision, but one that had to be made. We had to break up.
The following weeks were filled with heartache and self-reflection. I questioned my choices, wondering if I had done enough to salvage the relationship. But deep down, I knew that great sex takes two to tango. And frankly, I couldn’t change someone who wasn’t willing to change himself.
Shan Boodram
As time went on, the wounds began to heal and life moved forward. I learned valuable lessons from that chapter of my life - the importance of communication, the need for mutual understanding, and the realization that true happiness can only be found when both partners are equally invested.
Years later, I look back on that time with a bittersweet fondness. In the end, it was a journey of self-discovery and personal growth. I learned to value myself, to recognize my own worth, and to never settle for less than I deserve. And I also learned the importance of communication, and the need for mutual understanding.
Sex should be a beautiful dance of equal partnership where both minds and bodies intertwine, leaving no room for unsatisfied desires.
After dating other people, my sex life got better. I’m telling my story not to scare you, but for it to serve as a reminder for both men and women to listen to their partner's needs, to seek genuine connection and to work together towards a more fulfilling and passionate sex life.
This post originally appeared on Medium and is edited and republished with author's permission. Read more of Dona Mwiria's work on Medium. You can also subscribe to her email list here.