GQ recently published a lengthy feature about rich dudes getting their femurs broken so they can get a little taller. The surgery isn’t brand spanking new; Insider published a piece about it just before Covid-19 kicked off its 2020 world tour. And Buzzfeed published its own feature a couple of months ago. However, with the rise of remote work, and that extended stretch when quarantine was inflating folks' saving accounts, the frequency of these leg-lengthening surgeries has grown as well.
There are a number of reasons a man may want to get this surgery. According to the GQ, trans men do it to feel more masculine. (Conversely, trans women are getting their legs shortened to more closely align with their ideas about femininity.) Since this surgery can cost around $75,000 and is completely unnecessary to live, it’s also seen as a flex of ostentatious wealth.
Surely, there are a bunch of other reasons, but the majority of cis men are almost positively getting their legs lengthened because people are far less attracted to short men, no matter how much people lie about how shallow they truly are. Sorry to the short men out there. Work on being funnier.
As a man of average height, I do not harbor any insecurities about how tall I am. I don’t think anybody has ever used my five-foot-ten frame against me, yet it has never curried me any favor, either. If anything, it’s caused me grief because the clothes I like tend to sell out faster due to other average-sized people grabbing them up. All that said, I’d for sure get my legs lengthened if I were rich and just had 80 grand collecting dust in my savings account. (Pro tip: Don’t leave your money sitting in a savings account. Invest that shit in some index funds. Or some new legs.)
That’s right, doc: Go ahead and smash up my stems. I’ll finally be able to dunk.
When I get a good stretch in and really go for it, I can leap to a mere couple of inches from an NBA regulation-sized basketball hoop. This is because of my average height and average athleticism. I’ve always wanted to dunk, though. I’m positive that giving myself above-average height would make me a dunker, and I’d achieve a childhood dream.
It’s worth noting that Kevin Debiparshad, the doctor quoted in GQ’s feature, says it’s hard to predict the outcome of the surgery and that it could slightly decrease your athletic ability. Which... sure. I'll take that chance if it gives me a shot at posterizing someone at the Y and taunting them a little. I think I’d opt for “he’s too small!!!!!!” I don’t need to look like Ja Morant when I’m doing it.
Andrew Ricketts