McDonald's Adult Happy Meal Toys, Ranked

McDonald’s has a brand new marketing plan: happy meals for adults. It's smart as hell. In partnership with Cactus Plant Flea Market, the initiative allows adult customers to get one of four toys (get your mind out the gutter) and a limited-edition box designed with the streetwear company. Since kicking off on Monday, it's moved so many units, employees are posting to TikTok to implore customers to stop ordering them.

At your big age, if you are so inclined, you can go to your nearest Golden Arches, cop a Big Mac or 10-piece chicken nugget adult Happy Meal, and get redesigned, four-eyed imaginations of Cactus Buddy! (a new character dreamed up by Cactus Plant Flea Market) or familiar legacy characters Grimace, Birdie, and The Hamburgular. Of course, the figurine that arrives with your food is based on luck of the draw. We ranked them by covetworthiness.

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5. Grimace

Grimace is just a big-ass purple blob—a lesser version of Gengar. He does look much better with the four peyote trip-looking eyes, though.

4. Cactus Buddy!

Nothing special about this one. While it’s perfectly fine that Grimace isn’t wearing clothes—he doesn’t particularly scan as humanoid—it’s a little weird that Cactus Buddy! is wearing a shirt and no pants. Put your thang away, dude.

3. Birdie

Birdie’s an underrated McDonald’s character. Her purple overalls are a good middle ground between stylish and downright strange, which is what great fashion is about. You never want to veer too far in one direction. The big issue I have here is… why is Birdie in this collection? She was conceived to promote the early bird getting the worm for breakfast—except there aren’t any breakfast items on the menu here?? What’s going on?

2. The Hamburglar

If we’re honest, this is probably the best character McDonald’s has, and his adult toy version does not disappoint. 10/10. No notes. Well, except…

1. None of these at all

I know you better not be taking your grown ass to McDonald’s and ordering an adult Happy Meal. If you wanna feel like a kid again, just stop paying bills and go frolic in a park somewhere.