7. “I’ve never heard of this.”
The sentiment doesn’t surprise us. LEVEL is explicitly for and about Black and Brown men, which means that not everyone will be familiar with everything we write about. What would surprise us, however, is if the people who are grievously offended at not being catered to as the default audience actually saved the 30 seconds it took to type this and went to a little website called Google Dot Com.
6. “Stop making such a big deal about it!”
If you’re on the hunt for this particular breed of comment, we’ve got a few key phrases to look out for. “Overblown grievance” is a good one. Oh, and “race card” — that’s a classic. Also, there’s [deep breath]: “Instead of looking for the negative and trying to make everything about race, has it ever occurred to you that what would be more helpful is to spend your efforts writing about how we’re all really the same?”
5. “I’m White and I…”
Please see number 6.
4. [Personal anecdote that has nothing to do with the content of the article]
Honestly, there are too many of these to pick just one. Also known as “Conditioned by a lifetime of talking over people, I’m utterly unable to read silently and sit with my feelings; instead, I’m pathologically driven to show people that I, too, think things!”
3. “Why did I waste my time reading this?”
We don’t know enough to say with any real authority, but we’re sorry for taking away the time you could’ve been preparing for your TED Talk.
2. “Is it possible to get this article in plain English, I mean grammar, logic and all?”
This isn’t an archetype, it’s a very real comment — and it’s chef’s-kiss perfect. Not only is it a sublime example of racism expressed through linguistic prescriptivism, but with its disregard for grammar and clarity, it undermines itself as only an Angry Comment can. (Oxford commas are your friend, friend.)
1. “Not only are you a virtue-signaling snowflake, but by pointing out racism, you yourself are racist! TRIGGERED MUCH?”
The angriest — and frankly, funniest — variety of comment. Help, we’ve been owned!
Read more: 5 Slang Terms White People Finally Read the Room and Stopped Using, Ranked