7. They're thirsty af
It takes a lot of water to grow avocados and they're tied to deforestation and carbon emissions from having them shipped to your local hipster smoothie shop. (Also: Avocado smoothies? Gross.)
6. They're ugly af
Avocados are wrinkly as a nutsack and open to reveal a nauseating green hue that looks like it belongs in a baby's diaper. That's unbecoming of a fruit with a national holiday.
Related: 6 Reasons Kittens Suck, Ranked
5. They have a giant pit in the middle
Imagine you're a caveman and you don't know if this thing is edible or not, but you think, "Hey, survival of the species, right?" and you take a giant bite right through the gross, tough skin. Then you chip one of only four or five teeth you have on that hard pit, ensuring you won't survive the winter. Thanks, avocados!
4. Guacamole somehow became a Super Bowl staple
Despite being nowhere near as tasty as queso, guacamole somehow earned a place at the table alongside the much tastier alternative for the big game every year. Yes, you can salt it up, but it's a lot of calories for not that much flavor. What a scam!
Related: The 7 Most Essential Hot Dog Toppings, Ranked
3. It's the texture and taste of unsalted butter
It's like biting into a stick of melting butter, but green. And if you want that earthy, grassy taste, just go into someone's yard and eat grass. It's a lot cheaper.
2. They go bad really fast
When it comes to Mexico's national fruit, there's only a very brief window between peak ripeness and a decaying brown mess that resembles a dying turtle.
Related: #WhitePeopleFood Is the Viral Trend Skewering Bland Cuisine
1. They are a leading indicator of gentrification
If the coffee shops and bodegas in your neighborhood start serving $12 avocado toast, congratulations, your rent is about to go up 200 percent!