Are You Too Old For This

Leave the GOAT Arguments to Farmers

Nostalgia-clouded GOAT battles only get in the way of experiencing greatness

Unfortunately, too many of y’all don’t

I resist parties. I hate being the center of attention. But these days, embracing life is a necessity.

If you haven’t had a classic PB&J since G.I. Joe pajamas, get ready

Even if you never got into it, the self-aware parody makes for perfect escapism

As God is my witness, my knees and thighs will stay covered

You can miss me with all that ‘joy of the wind in your face’ nonsense

Between bot-sniping teenagers, engineered scarcity, and having a damn life, I’m being forced into a life of brunch boots

Slang is emotional, nostalgic, and always changing — but how long do you change along with it?

If you think so, you’re no different than your uncle joking about ‘Snoop Doggy Doo-Doo’ 30 years ago

You’re definitely too old to film yourself doing a dumb-ass dance — but not for enjoying what those dances mean.

I’m not worried about getting posterized, I just want to get the damn ball