The 8 Worst Christmas Gifts, Ranked

8. Calendars

Nobody has used an actual paper calendar—whether it has cute kittens on it or Sports Illustrated swimsuit models—since the invention of the smartphone. How is the calendar kiosk at the mall still in business? It's gotta be a drug front, right? Right??

7. Clothes

It's hard enough to express your own sense of style and find clothing that fits right. Someone else thinks they can do better than you at that? Unless it's socks or a scarf, stop trying; these are destined for the donation pile.

6. Gag Gifts

White elephant gifts are typically crap merchandise, the type of stuff you pick up at the CVS checkout or that you order from Amazon from shady-ass companies that run under 10 different retail names. Jockey underwear and Trump toilet paper? No thank you, the landfills are already overflowing.

5. That Thing the Gift Recipient Supposedly Loves and Everybody Knows It

You know that person in the office who loves pigs and has little pig knick knacks all over their desk? Everybody else knows them too and they get pig gifts for every birthday and Christmas. They're sick of that s**t! Everyone took it too far; nobody knows them beyond these novelties. Get them a gift card instead (but first, see: No. 3).

4. Perfume

Unless your lady asked for a specific product, don't do it! Perfume is even more personal than clothing (just ask Pepé Le Pew, or wait, maybe don't) and even if it smells nice in the store, it might not work with her body chemistry. Beware!

3. A Bad Gift Card

Some people hate giving gift cards; but getting them is dope! Just make sure you don't give someone store credit to a shuttering business, a franchise with no local locations or online offerings, or a shop with weirdly niche items the recipient is clearly not into. While you're at it, please stop buying gift cards that have an expiration date or inevitably require the receiver to come out of pocket. (What are we gonna do with a $10 Saks gift card? [Rolls eyes]

2. Anything Made By Sharper Image

Sharper Image used to be a cutting-edge brand of futuristic products you could only get in specialty stores. Now, they have that s**t at Kohl's and it all looks like it's going to break in three seconds.

1. Engagement Ring

Some dudes think Christmas (or birthdays!) are the perfect time to pop the question. It's not. If things go south, your beloved's holiday (and your own, Romeo) or birthday will be ruined forever. Plus you're making it awkward for everyone else around. You can wait till January, chief.