Here’s a very uncomfortable conversation that I recorded for you, dear LEVEL Man. To be clear, this is not me speaking in the following exchange. And this is not my boyfriend. Nope. These are two random people I most certainly don’t know.
NotMe: So… how often do you masturbate?
NotMyBoyfriend: Rarely.
NotMe: What’s rarely?
NotMyBoyfriend: Maybe once a week?
NotMe: Is that normal for most guys?
NotMyBoyfriend: Well, when I was single it was every day.
NotMe: My theory is that men should cut back on masturbating, so they can be more in sync with their partner. Especially if their sex drives are not equal.
NotMyBoyfriend: [silence]
NotMe: You don’t agree?
NotMyBoyfriend: [silence]
Pressing pause on your solo sessions can make the times we’re together even better.
NotMe: Y’all should hold out so it can be really good when you get together!
NotMyBoyfriend: So you’re saying men should not pleasure ourselves. While our partner with a lower sex drive is not pleasuring us either? And just… wait?
NotMe: Yes.
NotMyBoyfriend: [grumpier silence]
To be clear, I don’t want you to stop masturbating forever. Or even indefinitely. Just maybe give it a rest for a bit. Not because we want to deny you pleasure, but because we want to increase it — and ours too.
We can tell if you’re handling business on your own between getting busy with us. And it can change the dynamic of our sex life. Pressing pause on your solo sessions can make the times we’re together even better.
Don’t believe it? I figured there would be doubters. No one wants someone coming between them and… well, coming. So let’s break this down scientifically.
After orgasm, the body enters what’s known as the refractory period. The penis can be hypersensitive; erections are difficult, and contact can actually be painful. During this time, additional orgasms are nearly impossible to achieve.
When you were 18, your refractory period may have been as brief as a Trina deep cut. Then, your body recovered and your big man was ready to go again. But now that you’re grown-grown? If you’re 35 or older, it’s likely that your refractory period is somewhere between 30 minutes and several hours. The average 70-year-old man has a refractory period of — wait for it — almost 20 hours. (No, seriously. You’re gonna have to wait for it.)
Meanwhile, women have little to no refractory period, so there will invariably be occasions when she wants to have sex but you’re still stuck in pleasure purgatory. Yes, even if we’ve already had an orgasm or three. If her time frame doesn’t match up with yours, it might require you to hold off on masturbation to remain in sync.
Porn can be great and masturbating is fun—that’s something both sexes can agree on. But a temporary diet, just to ensure that we’re the ones bringing you to climax rather than RedTube and Jergens, could bring us closer together. Not only will it make sex more intense for you (less is more!), but we’ll notice the difference — which makes it hotter for us.
If you’ve ever perused Reddit, you may be familiar with movements like NoFap and NoNut November, a month-long campaign to avoid orgasm at all costs. Please note: I am not recommending that (Some NoFappers even advocate for abstaining from sex with us, tuh!). But the folks behind the NoFap movement often cite a 2003 study that showed men who didn’t orgasm for seven days experienced a sharp increase in testosterone levels, which means their sex drives likely spiked as well.
Got all that, fellas? So here’s a practical pop quiz. Say you’re in a long-term relationship. Maybe there’s a house, kids, and a dog in the mix. You’re still attracted to your partner, and vice versa, but sometimes it’s hard to get on the same page sexually. It’s been a few days since you got it in. She’s taking a work trip for a few days. While she’s away, should you:
- Find a discreet jump-off and handle your business.
- Cue up your favorite categories on PornHub and handle your business.
- Hold off until she gets back, even if you might be bouncing off the walls by that point. Then, handle your business and hers.
Of course, the answer is not #1. (I’d hope you know that by now.) But occasionally, you should skip #2 as well. Delaying that gratification will make your attention sharper than AD’s lineup and your libido higher than Amazon stock — an equation that results in superb sex.
No one wants to take away your right to do you. Just accept this challenge: Ask your lover what their refractory period is. If it turns out that a self-pleasure ceasefire can keep you and her in sync, zip it up and wait a bit. It’ll be worth it.